


Death Eater Strategy Meeting

by meesha1971



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Death Eaters, The Quidditch Pitch: Darkness Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-03
Updated: 2006-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 15:25:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10811745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meesha1971/pseuds/meesha1971
Summary: How did Lord Voldemort decide between Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom after he heard the prophecy?





	Death Eater Strategy Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
> Note from meesha1971: Thank you for saving my story and archiving it here.

  
Author's notes:

_I wrote this fic for the writing contest on[ **COS forums**](http://www.cosforums.com/index.php). I was inspired by the topic and by the **[Hogwarts Staff Meeting](http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=3617)** series by **[Inkwolf](http://www.cosforums.com/member.php?u=428)** . It won Best Overall. Thanks to my beta, [**gryffindorstudent**](http://astele.co.uk/TheQuidditchPitch/Chapter/Details/viewuser.php?uid=427), for all her help. Please review._

****

**Disclaimer:** **The characters and situations of Harry Potter depicted in this story are the legal property of J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Scholastic and AOL Time Warner, and have been used without permission.**

****

**No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made off this story, and it is for entertainment purposes only.**

****  


* * *

Voldemort: All right, this meeting will come to order. First item--

Lucius: Where are the donuts? Someone forgot the donuts!

Bellatrix: You imbecile. They’re right in front of you.

Voldemort: IF this meeting will come to order...the first item on the agenda is the prophecy. 

(Assorted grumbling noises and groans)

Voldemort: Silence! As you are all aware, Severus Snape overheard an important prophecy last year. A prophecy that predicted my downfall at the hands of a child born as the seventh month dies...

All: NO!!!!!! You cannot die Master! You said so yourself!

Dolohov: Hmmm.....

Bellatrix: How dare you! The Dark Lord will have your intestines made into a bow tie for that! Master, let me do it for you. 

Voldemort: Later, Bellatrix, my dear. It has been over a year. I trust that one of you has shown the presence of mind to determine who my greatest enemy will be?

Snape: The Malfoys!

Lucius: The Ministry Revenue Service! Wait a minute! What do you mean the Malfoys?

Rudolphus: The Muggles!

Voldemort: That is enough! I want to know which child I have to kill and I want to know NOW!

Snape: Master, I believe that there are only two children who meet the requirements set forth in the prophecy … (shuffles papers) Ah! Here it is. Yes, two children – both born at the end of July. Both were born to parents who were foolish enough to defy you three times and - 

Voldemort: I know what the requirements are! What are their names?!

Snape: Oh, sorry, Master. Let’s see … yes … Norbert Shorthead and Harvey Peters. What? That’s not right. Who’s been messing with my notes?

Voldemort: Severus, my patience is wearing thin. I want to know who I have to kill or I’m going to kill you instead.

Snape: Right. (shuffles papers) Good thing I make copies of everything. Okay. Here we are. Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter. Potter? James Potter’s son? Forget the Longbottom boy, sir. Potter’s the one you want.

Voldemort: Severus, I am not concerned with your petty childhood rivalries. How do we determine which boy is referred to in the prophecy? 

Lucius: Frank Longbottom is a celebrated Auror. Very gifted. Pure-blood too. His son would be most likely I think.

Voldemort: Has the child demonstrated any significant magical ability?

Snape: No, master. The child has been pathetically lame thus far. His family isn’t even sure he’ll get into Hogwarts. I’m telling you, it’s the Potter boy you want. You’ll have to kill James of course.

Rudolphus: Snape, would you put aside your pathetic grievances? What if this Norbert - 

Bellatrix: Neville.

Rudolphus: I don't need you to correct me! Snape said Norbert - 

Nott: No, he said Norbert the first time but then said Neville.

Voldemort: Well? Which is it?

(Dead silence)

Voldemort: I DEMAND THAT YOU TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!!

Lucius: It was Neville Longbottom, Master. Unlike some, I have been paying attention. 

(Outraged hisses and threats) 

Snape: (mutters) The Dark Lord is going round the twist. Maybe I should contact Dumbledore. He’s a doddering old fool. Surely I can fool him. If this kid does somehow defeat …

Voldemort: What was that Severus?

Snape: Nothing sir. Just trying to determine the best method to kill the Potter boy.

Dolohov: We haven’t decided which boy to kill yet Snape!

Mulciber: What a hopeless bunch of idiots. The Longbottom boy is more likely Master. As Lucius pointed out, his father is a very talented Auror and they are pure-bloods.

Voldemort: Very well. Now, where is my spy?

(Snickering around the table.)

Snape: Pettigrew, my Lord?

Voldemort: No, Severus. Sirius Black. Of course Pettigrew, you fool!

Barty Crouch Jr.: He’s over there, sir. Dancing with the coat rack.

Snape: Pathetic. Sniveling, little weakling was always hanging around with Potter and Black. Laughing at me behind my back and making fun of my …

Voldemort: Severus, will you please drop it about James Potter and his friends?! Now, where was I?

Barty Crouch Jr.: Pettigrew, sir.

Snape: I still say the Potter boy is the biggest threat. You should have seen some of the things that his father and that Sirius Black got up to when we were at school! And that Lupin was no better. He’s a werewolf you know. I’m not supposed to tell anyone but …

Barty Crouch Jr.: Snape, would you please shut up about James Potter? Just because they humiliated you in school - 

Snape: Master, PLEASE? James Potter is an arrogant swine. He deserves to die. I’ll kill him for you and take care of the boy as well.

(Voldemort takes an aspirin)

Nott: I still say the Longbottom boy is the bigger threat. Pure-bloods are much better than half-bloods. That witch Potter married is Muggle-born! I don’t even see why you would give the Potter child a second thought.

Lucius: (mutters sarcastically) She’s still better at charms than you.

Barty Crouch Jr.: I don’t know. What if Snape is right? How can we be sure we’re killing the right child?

Bellatrix: Where did Severus go? 

Dolohov: He’s over there, talking to that idiot, Pettigrew. 

Bellatrix: I don’t trust him. He’s such a greasy git. Hasn’t he ever heard of shampoo? How do we even know that the prophecy is accurate? I’ve never heard of a prophecy being that short. Usually they’re much longer… 

Rudolphus: Snape heard that Trelaudy woman – 

Bellatrix: Trelawney. 

Rudolphus: Woman, will you stop correcting me? 

Mulciber: Why are we questioning the prophecy now? I thought we were deciding which boy to kill? 

Dolohov: We have decided. We’re going to kill the Longbottom child. 

Barty Crouch, Jr.: But what if the Potter boy …

Voldemort: Make up your minds! 

Nott: Snape just wants to go after the Potter boy because of a childhood rivalry.

Voldemort: SILENCE!

Lucius: Master?

Voldemort: I have decided! We’re going after the Longbottom child and that’s final!

Lucius: A wise decision my Lord.

Bellatrix: As always, my Lord, you know best.

Snape: Here is the address, my Lord.

Voldemort: Good. Thank you Severus. Now, everyone pack up. We’re going to … where are we going? (Reads parchment) Oh yes. We’re going to Godric’s Hollow tonight!


End file.
